Guide Not Like Other Boys: Growing Up Gay: A Mother and Son Look Back

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Let me start out by saying that I am not a public speaker. Ever since I agreed to speak to you, I have asked for courage and I hope you will pray for me as I try to tell you what is in my heart. I am here to share my testimony. Please know that I am NOT here to debate the issue of homosexuality.

First, I need to let you know that I have been a Southern Baptist all my life. I attended Sunday School and church as a child.

Me and my gay parents - in pictures

I married a man with the same Christian principles as me and we raised our two children in the church as well. Both my children were saved and baptized at an early age and two of my three small grandchildren have already been baptized. We are a Christian family with deep roots in the church and the teachings of the Bible. Seven years ago, we found out that Lance is gay.

We were totally blindsided and devastated because never in a million years would we have guessed it. Also, because it was such a public thing, the situation was so much worse on the family. And that is what I have done.


Never once did I ever think about turning my back on him. Never once was I ashamed or embarrassed. My feelings were more of sadness and just sheer disappointment in life. If you believe that being gay is a choice, then the rest of what I say will not matter. I do not know why, but even as a staunch Christian, I personally never believed that being gay was a choice. I never knew a lot of gay people, but the ones I did meet I felt compassion for because I could feel their pain of being rejected and my heart always went out to them.

Even though I never did believe Lance chose to be gay, I did not accept it as quickly as my husband did. His attitude was "It is what it is.

AA Gill on questioning your child's sexuality

I continued to love my son, stand beside him, and defend him, but for several years I continued to pray relentlessly for a miracle. Well, Lance is still gay. However, I did get a miracle. It is just not the miracle I prayed for. The miracle is that I learned to have unconditional love and compassion for my son and others in the gay community.

My son is a Christian and wants to be able to worship, but he does not feel that the church cares about him and has pretty much disowned him as a fellow believer. When I was a little girl, I went to a celebration with my grandparents on the courthouse lawn in Laurel.

Current Status

I am 18 years old and in need of advice and insight. My parents found out I was gay almost three years ago. They recently found out about my significant other and told me that my happiness is not worth the price of giving up being normal, and how little they love me. Are parents that see their son in this way worth holding onto? Abnormal Son. Dear Normal Son,. Some men are attracted to men, some women to women, or any combination thereof.

Full stop. But you might not have to lose each other over their terror and your pain.

Child of lesbian parents opposes gay marriage - ABC News

Most people who want children have certain ideas, developed over the course of years, about what it will be like to raise a child, and who that child will be. Though they may keep it to themselves, they tend to hope for more than good health.

I want a girl. I want a boy. I want a baby with my color hair. A number of laws regulating sexual behavior are still on the books in some states, some dating back to the last century. According to these laws, some or all homosexual behavior is illegal as are many heterosexual behaviors. Many states have repealed these laws; others have not. While enforcement is usually rare among individuals, anti-gay and sodomy laws are often used against gay, lesbian and bisexual people in custody disputes, legal actions and attempts to discriminate against individuals on the basis of sexual orientation.

There is hope, however. Many cities, towns and states have worked both to decriminalize homosexual behavior and recognize homosexuality as natural. These jurisdictions have taken measures to ensure non-discrimination. West Virginia and Ohio do not criminalize sexual intimacy between consenting same-sex or opposite-sex partners.

Bear in mind that all couples — straight and gay — often show affection publicly because they feel love and appreciation for their partner. But stop and think — are you as uneasy about heterosexuals showing affection in public?

If you worry about possible negative reactions to any behavior that identifies your child as gay, keep in mind that some gays, lesbians and bisexuals will, of course, censor their own behavior because they share those fears. But it is up to your child to make those decisions for him or herself. Longtime gay and lesbian couples perceive their relationship as just as committed and as much a family as married heterosexuals.

Many couples hold commitment ceremonies to celebrate their relationship formally, in the company of friends and family. A number of state and local governments now recognize same-gender partners. And more gay and lesbian couples are also becoming parents. Some lesbians have used artificial insemination to conceive a child that they can raise with their partner. Some gay men and lesbians, who came out after they had been involved in heterosexual relationships, are raising the children from those relationships with their gay partners. Also, more and more gay couples are adopting children together.

Many, upon learning their child is gay, go right into the closet. Many of us found that our fears were far worse than reality. Our advice to you is the same advice we give to gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals. Learn more about the changing attitudes within medical, psychiatric, religious, professional and political circles. We provide you with partial lists at the of this pamphlet.

Practice what you would say just like you might practice for a public speaking engagement, for a job interview, for boosting your assertiveness, or for anything new to you that makes you afraid or nervous. And it helped. But you really do have to practice. Talk to people who understand your concerns. PFLAG members may be helpful to you in discussing their own experiences. You may get some negative or, at the least, insensitive comments from relatives, friends or co-workers.

Remember that your child has been down this road already. He or she may even be able to help. This could be a very real concern, especially for families who consider themselves part of a close community or in areas where fundamentalist religions are strong. But gay, lesbian and bisexual people come from families from all corners of the earth, from every culture, religion, ethnic group and occupation.

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And then, as I started speaking out on the issue, other parents started coming forward. Again, you may very well encounter reactions that are difficult to take. As a parent, you have to take care of yourself and your child. PFLAG is here to help you with your individual needs so that you can be an even better parent. Reading this online resource is the first step to supporting your child — you have shown that you are open to new information and hopefully you are now better informed.

Supporting your child now should be a natural extension of your general support as a parent: we need to talk, listen and learn together. Every child needs different things from his or her parents.

Major long-term study: Kids with lesbian parents grow up to be happy adults - Motherly

It is up to you to learn how to communicate with him or her about their needs and issues surrounding sexuality. Some parents find that they are better able to understand and support their child by recognizing the similarities and differences in their own life experiences. In some cases it may help to talk about how you have dealt with hurtful incidents. But in other cases you must recognize that discrimination based on sexual orientation is hurtful in a unique way. Here, you can support your child by educating yourself as thoroughly as possible about homosexuality and by helping to bring it out of hiding in our society.

Usually, they get closer. And the parents begin to meet the gay community and understand that these are people just like any other community. Another way to answer this question is to let some parents speak for themselves:. So the more I learned, the angrier I got, and the more I wanted to change society instead of my son. It has never changed from that. And since then, our relationship with our son is strengthened, because we have a bond simply because we know what he is up against in our society. And the benefit is that you establish a good relationship with your child.